Happy New Year's Eve

Well, folks, we made it. What do you think? The year went by whether or not we wanted it to! This year this core group spent more time together than ever and I, for one, enjoyed it immensely. We may never be so close again -- or we may -- who can tell? Even as I write this, the present becomes the past, and the future remains unrecorded ...

So now, in the present, moving to the past so fast that I can't comprehend it, I want to thank each of you for making this such a fine year, with wonderful experiences and life-changing goals all wrapped up into our time together.

We need, perhaps, one more event, and some group pictures from that event, so that we can use the pictures to commemorate our time. When I'm 80 or so, I'd like to be able to look back through a photo album and re-live some of our adventures ...

Happy New Year, Everybody.

What I learned.

I learned many things the first of which is that it's hard to eat and do stances at the same time. No but seriously it has made me more aware, like don't wait to do the stuff until midnight to do the stuff but now I'm almost done with it 1 min. of staces to go.

What I learned.

What I learned in ten tigers was discipline, I could not do 20 pushups in a row before this program and I can now do 50.
I could not do 20 minutes of stances, now I can.
So many things that I can do that I could not do before.

My Confession

OK Ten Tigers Team, I have a confession to make.

The 35,000 pushups wasn't really about doing pushups. It wasn't even about physical fitness. It was about setting a goal that seemed overwhelming and pushing through to achieve it. It was about finding the discipline and tenacity required to complete it. It was about finding a way to organize your life around a goal.

The pushups could be replaced with anything, kettlebell swings, sprints, pages read of inspirational books, acts of charity. . .

The pushups and the resulting fitness were just side effects of the real goal.

Personally I learned a lot from it.

Only 325 of them left to do.

Almost Done

Only

1455 pushups and situps left
51 forms left
82 cardio rounds left
123 minutes of stance left (2 hours)

What Ten Tigers has done for me

I used to think that life would slow down, and that -- finally, then -- I could go about doing the things that mattered to me. Only it never slows down. It's taken me decades to realize that this headlong pace is simply a factor of a full, rich life. So the things that matter have to be fit into that headlong pace.

The Ten Tigers' daily requirements have taught me that each day I must give some space to myself, not just when it's convenient. When I signed the contract to complete the annual tasks, it was a contract with more than myself. I found out that, while I may be willing to cheat myself in weak moments, the group support kept me from it. Using that support as a crutch made it easier to get into a routine of taking care of myself each day so that it has become a habit. Nearly automatically now, I plan my day or review it to see where I need to pay attention and divert some of the outside traffic away from my own tasks of self-maintenance. I say "nearly automatically" because I think one year out of 46 isn't quite enough to overcome the previous habits, but it's a start, it's definitely a start.

Without Ten Tigers, I would not have recognized the many, many gaps in my self-care and self-development. Other things in life schedule themselves: bills come each month and if I don't take care of them, things stop working (like electricity or cell phones); jobs get done because a boss of some sort decrees when I must be there; housework gets done when there's nothing left to wear in the mornings.

But self-care? When does that get done? Why wait until an emotional breakdown looms, or a good relationship falls apart, or a wall is faced that cannot be scaled? The time-out it takes to complete 10 minutes of stances per day, 3 forms, 100 push/situps, 1 mile of travel, and so forth, creates the space to think, to review, to experience. When I find, for instance, that I cannot take the time to complete a form, then I have left off contact with myself for too long. When I resent the time any of these tasks take, then I have let the headlong pace of everyday life mow me down ... again.

Now I know how to stop, take notice of myself and my condition, and take care. Each day.
That is what Ten Tigers has done for me.

Fasting is Hard

I washed some dishes and left the kitchen only to discover an apple. . . IN MY HAND. "How did that get there?" I made pancakes for my daughter and couldn't lick the syrup off my fingers. The leftover porkchop in the refrigerator is LAUGHING. My daughter is now eating a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich while I watch. My wife said, "I don't think I can make it through my final if I don't get a candy bar first."

That apple is still in there, singing out, "I don't really count as food, I'm just one little apple."

This is difficult. 5 hours and 15 minutes to go.

What have I learned and accomplished?

So very much! This year has been a very eventful year for me. It has been filled with mountains and valleys. Dreams have been realized, revelations, both good and bad, have been revealed. I have made major changes in attitude, self-discipline, outlook, and even my lifestyle. I eat healthier, I have lowered my cholesterol, completed a degree in Business Management as well as a class in project management, and finally acquired a sailboat and even taken a vacation for the first time in many years. I no longer feel like a workaholic. I have learned new ways of dealing with adversity in both my personal and professional life.

Martial arts, and the Ten Tigers program in particular, underlies these accomplishments in a way I find difficult to put into words. While reviewing my blogs earlier I came across a statement I made that remains true for me even now. "The great thing is, we are all learning lessons in ways we didn't expect and from sources unimagined". Who would think that dealing with negativity could be learned by standing in a low horse stance until your leg muscles give out? Yet standing in horse stance for any length of time takes focus, determination, and patience. All of these attributes helps me to keep my temper, consider my words, and above all to stay calm and think. Learning Hung Gar has definitely improved my ability to defend myself in a crisis, but more importantly, it has, and still is, improving the fundamental ideals that make me who I am.

Closer than I thought

After carefully deciding which tasks needed to be done and which events may have to be put off, I decided to miss class tonight in order to catch up on my blogs. This is has been the most difficult requirement for me to complete. I went through the entire year, tallied up the number of blogs (both blogs and comments) and found that I am 5 entries (4 now) short of what I need. I have dedicated tonight to correcting this.

Empathy

There are just 16 days left and I still have to do my empathy training.

I'd better think of something . . . FAST.

Wait, that's it, I'll fast. Tomorrow.

Aren't you all glad that I am doing it on a day in which my grumpiness will affect the fewest people?

Why oh why did I get behind?

I didn't get far behind, but behind enough that I can't really afford to take breaks now. My body is tired, my arms are sore, but I'm just putting my head down and plowing forward my goals are in sight. I'm almost there.

Almost to the end/beginning

So the year and the first edition of Ten Tigers is coming to a close.

I would like all the Ten Tigers member to post a reflection on what they have learned and accomplished in this program.

10,001

10,001 -- pushups/situps completed for the "lite" program. Now I wonder how many more I can fit into the year? The habit was hard to form -- I don't want to lose it.

Teaching

A concern about teaching (teachers of all sorts) occurred to me very strongly as I labor through (apparently) endless freshman papers. If we always and only teach those who know considerably less than we do, the tendency may be to think we know it all, or to get overconfident. Overconfident people are among my least favorite folks to be around -- and I sure don't want to fall into that category. I try to remember the path I walked to get what I know. I have to remember that "walked" cannot be just past tense -- I keep wandering along it. Thoreau calls it "sauntering." Memory helps me realize that the path is not straight or clear, and knowledge, or understanding, is all along it (even when retracing steps).

I was thinking, too, that a key in defense against overconfidence, and maybe a main one, is to keep company with those who simply love teaching and learning - those who see the cyclical nature of the pattern - those who are not afraid to admit they don't know - those who never answer the questions I ask in quite the way I expect.

Inspiration

I've been meaning to put this out here for a while now. There are days when I find myself lacking motivation to complete my TT requirements and need a little inspiration. Often I find myself thinking about a TT member whose workday is at least as strenuous as a TT day, who almost always stays caught up or ahead of his TT program and still excels in class every week.

Dean, I'm not sure how you do it, but thanks for the example set.

Giving Thanks

In the past few years, there have been sacrifices my family has had to make to try to get East West Kung Fu off the ground. Operating in a small town, and opening up at the beginning of a recession has meant we had to cut back on non-essentials, work part time jobs, and struggle financially.

I thought that considering the recent holiday I would take a little time to give thanks for all the help we have received from people who apparently believe very strongly in what we do.

In the past few years, people have bought my family countless dinners, I was given a brand new bicycle, and so was my stepdaughter, my car repairs were paid for, people donated housekeeping supplies for the kung fu school, I was given transformers toys, I was given dvd's, people have given me loans to keep the kwoon in business, people have given me money outright to keep the kwoon in business, and the list goes on and on.

It is easy to forget how good we have it sometimes. It is easy to get distracted by all the struggle. So I wanted to take a moment to be greatful to all who have helped us through the struggle.

I hope that you will take a moment to do the same.

closer

60 seconds
87 pushups

Do what you want first

This morning I completed my TT requirements before breakfast: 100 push/situps, 1 mile walk, 1 warrior palm, 1 kind act, 10 minutes of stances ...

I hope to fit in more, but my theory this morning was to do what I wanted to do first, then squeeze what had to be done in a smaller space. It's too easy to let our own desires slide in the face of these full days we live.

The End is Near (in more ways than one)

Left to go -- of the Lite version of Ten Tigers:
Pushups/Situps: 509 out of 10,000
Forms: done
Miles: 11.2 out of 150
Sparring: 0 required (completed 1782 minutes, not required in Lite, but tracked anyway)
Cardio 2-minute rounds: 0 required (completed 193 --again, not required in Lite, but since I was doing it in class ...)
Stances: 33 out of 1825 minutes (now isn't it odd to have spent as much time in stances as sparring?)
Acts of Kindness: done 376/365 (I think I'll keep doing these ...)
Blogging: long since done. Yep, I'm wordy.
Empathy: 16 days without electricity should suffice.
Private lessons 11/12 done (1 to go!)
New undertaking, community action or env cleanup: I am learning to teach community college students (who are different from any group of students I've had yet), I am learning to officially save for retirement in an organized way, I've helped with Hopeful Tomorrow fundraisers, but I have not yet done a thing about cleaning up the environment in any organized way. As a matter of fact, I was caught just the other day casually throwing away a plastic bottle. More work to be done in this category.
Books of wisdom: Read and distributed to others. More on the way.

The dissertation is NOT done -- a goal I had set alongside the Ten Tigers requirements. It's hard to reset after a complete miss. I'm having a little trouble with motivation and seeing the possibility of ever getting it finished.

My new goal is to have the dissertation completely drafted (though it cannot be edited and approved) by the time Ten Tigers begins again (February 1, 2010). I'll take a step toward that right now by ending this incredibly long blog and finding my research that is buried on this desk ...

Another new goal: reduce procrastination.

Left to go

Miles: Finished
Acts of Kindness: Finished
Forms: 157
Push ups and Sit ups: 4832
Sparring: 105 minutes
Cardio rounds: 236
Stance Work: 463.5 minutes
So now, my biking will be done in intervals, 2 minutes intense cardio, 1 minute recovery.
Soon my sparring will be done the same.

today i slept till 12'o'clock it felt good you should try it Steven. How's the storm troopering coming i just beat one the newest games we got two or three day's a go but it's one of those games with a whole bunch of like you have to collect this and that ya da ya da ya da so on and so forth

4,902

Pushups/Situps to go.

The Power of Myth

I ordered a book from Amazon that I thought might be interesting because Sifu Tammy had mentioned it: Joseph Campbell's The Power of Myth. It came, and sat nelected by my beside (along with several other "significant" books). This morning I picked it up, opened it to the middle, and read a bit. Mostly I thought I would convince myself that it wasn't what I was looking for at that moment, and I was going to stuff it deeper into a bookshelf to get it out of my way.

I read: "The world is full of people who have stopped listening to themselves or have listened only to their neighbors to learn what they ought to do, how they ought to behave, and what the values are that they should be living for."

Hmmm ... I turned down the corner of that page to return to it later.

Then I read more about what myths involving slaying dragons represent : "Slaying monsters is slaying the dark things." And how those representations apply to our daily lives.

"If the work that you're doing is the work that you chose to do because you are enjoying it, that's it. But if you think, 'Oh no, I couldn't do that!' that's the dragon locking you in . . . . What you think you want, what you will to believe, what you think you can afford, what you decide to love, what you regard yourself as bound to. It may be all much too small, in which case it will nail you down. And if you simply do what your neighbors tell you to do, you're certainly going to be nailed down. Your neighbors are then your dragon as it reflects from within yourself."

Next came a segment that explains the importance of teachers -- how a good teacher can illuminate the path "like a lighthouse that says, 'There are rocks over here, steer clear. There is a channel, however, out there.'" (This sounds to me very much like a finger pointing at the moon.) Campbell says, "[I]t's nice to have someone who can give you a clue. That's the teacher's job. . . . "

Now I have to make time to read this text from the beginning.

Extra Effort

The Ten Tigers meeting today was so productive and satisfying -- a busy two+ hour session. Now I'm home tonight gleefully practicing the butterfly knives versus spear set that we just learned.

And so it occurred to me ...

Sifu Steven just taught us a set that was new to him, and had to put in many hours of extra training to learn both sides thoroughly enough to teach it all in one session. It didn't dawn on me until tonight how much effort he put into just this one meeting to offer us something special that was not on the standard list. I heard him say that he hadn't performed the set with a partner before, but it took hours for that clue to fall into place.

Earlier this year, Dean posted a comment that pointed out how much effort Steven puts into making Ten Tigers work -- effort that often goes unacknowledged. Today was another example of the planning and training that makes this program -- and our school -- so fine.

Thank you, Sifu, once again.

Over quota and nearly out of goals

I've long since reached my quota of required postings ... and would really like to continue this kind of forum conversation. Maybe Sifu Steven's Ning network idea will help, and even encourage sharing beyond just text: http://eastwestkungfu.ning.com/

This blog has been especially enjoyable for looking over past postings and comments and seeing our moods, achievements, concerns, and so on over the last year. I had imagined at the beginning that this might be the longest year of my life -- that this program would slow things down and help me take note of each day. But time passed anyway and the year has nearly ended. I can see each of my goals being reached and it's almost time to set new ones.

I am prematurely nostalgic.

So today.

Oops! I hit the wrong button and published the blog without my consent!

So today I'm one-hundred and twenty push-ups/sit-ups behind schedule. also I'm EIGHTY FIVE minutes behind on my miles, DO NOT PANIC, I will make them up fast at least half will be gone before Ten Tigers.

:b
bye

Shopping is When I Lose Perspective

When shopping at the store, and trying to balance nutrition value of foods with the dollar value of foods is when I most forget that I have more than I need.

I'm sitting at a ten year old computer connected to the internet by dial up, but that is more than I need.

I have a 19 year old television set, receiving broadcast TV through a DTV converter box. It is more than I need.

I have a Playstation 2, one of the controllers has the outer covering of the cord worn away and recovered with duct tape. It is more than I need.

We have 2 cars. More than we need.

We have a 3 bedroom house. More than we need.

Plenty of people in the world live in one room mud and straw huts, no TV, no plumbing, no electricity. Some people go get water from the same source the local cattle bathe in. When we think we need things like sattelite TV, smart phones, new cars . . . it is because we have forgotten that we have more than we need.

push ups again

Recovering from extended suffering from a cold (or maybe two colds), I did one minute pushups with my class, not expecting to perform well.

I got a personal best again.
81
54 in the first 30 seconds.

Life is good

I saw a shooting star tonight on my walk. It was just before moon rise, and the stars were vivid. I rarely see one. Maybe I have more patience than I have had before, and so am spending more time contemplating the night sky. Maybe I'm just lucky tonight.

Earlier today, driving home as the sun set, I noticed how very beautiful fall is.

Life is good.

What makes a sifu?

Besides the humorous lists we've discussed about the attributes of a sifu, what is it that makes some black sashes sifus and others not? While a black sash is clearly a qualifying requirement, what else is involved?

empathy training

I considered following the example of Tim Rosanelli for my empathy training and doing the "food stamps challenge". Spend a week eating only what I could afford if I were reliant on food stamps. It turned out, if I applied for food stamps, I'd have more money to go towards groceries than what I have now.

status

pushups/situps 27,712 of 35,000
forms 486 of 750
sparring 1275 of 1500 minutes
cardio rounds 406 of 750
stances 2896 of 3650
Acts of Kindness DONE
miles keeping in mind I didn't log any for the first 6 months due to hip/ankle/knee issues. 223.87 of 350
book of wisdom 3 of 1
empathy training yet to do
enviro project, I was going to have a 10 tigers cleanup of Lost River Cave, but the water level never settled down. How do you guys feel about an Invasive species removal there?

update.

my update says I am even on every thing except stances and miles: 17.5 miles to go & 80 minutes of stances. don't worry i will have that fixed by No Tiger Left Behind.

behind

That is what I am, I am 35 min. behind on stances. And way way ahead on push up's and sit up's. but i am still behind on forms. That is all

Anne's TT status

Private lessons: 9/12 – right on target (whew)
Group trainings: 9/12? yes? If we count the upcoming 10/24 session with Doc? Not sure on this.
Single form repetitions: 290/350 (Gung Gee and Fu Hok – blurred the “single” idea, but kept it to these two major ones. This gets harder as I understand the value of consistently working a form, then try to keep other forms to that same level ... But "time" is the only way to approach this discipline.)
Push/Situps: 8586/10000 – right on target, thought I'd have no trouble with this, but it's harder to be consistent than I thought!
Miles: 126/150 – right on target again, amazingly (before Mongo bit a neighbor, I didn't have the discipline to do this one consistently)
Stances: 1595/1825 minutes – right on target, even a little ahead
Acts of Kindness: 343/365 – ahead on this one!
New endeavor/env cleanup/comm action: Need work here, like Dean. I could say that the variety of community action events that kwoon hosts fit this category, and they do, but I had intended to do some environmental cleanup, or something else significant, and failed thus far to make time ...
Book of wisdom: 2/1 -- The Alchemist; The Art of Peace
Empathy: A day without electricity – this is sort of cheating because it was not voluntary. But there were 16 total days wherein I changed my lifestyle significantly to manage life without readily available electricity.
Weekly blog: 59/52 entries before this one – that comes as no surprise to my fellow tigers!

I agree with Dean that some brainstorming on some kind of community project would be beneficial. Perhaps these tigers can organize some further impact on our community – something lasting.

Perhaps also we could plan some kind of exit-blog that contains our thoughts on this year's experience.

Art

I ran across this quote today in a student's paper, and it made me think of performance in kung fu:

Art is not what you see, but what you make others see." ~ Edgar Degas

PR

I've achieved personal records again. Pushups in 30 seconds and pushups in one minute.

53 pushups in 30 seconds
80 pushups in 60 seconds

yeah i guess us old boys can learn some new tricks it would be nice to have rememberd all the old one's to, huh. And by the way what was your new under takeing eli???

card throwing & tricks!

I have learned to throw cards and do some minor card tricks, to bad I already have my new undertaking! Once i get good enough, i can stick cards in watermelons, Styrofoam, and Styrofoam-watermelons! my aim is as far off target as a muskets, that is all.

Dean's TT status

My status is current. The exact numbers I have achieved is impossible for me to post because I have ensured that I complete the minimum daily requirements, mentally tracking and catching up on days missed, and considering anything extra as a daily bonus. My hectic work/kung fu/college schedule during the first half of the year made the addition of tracking daily goals almost overwhelming. I plan on sticking to completing my daily minimums and collecting my bonus's each day. I may well complete the program earlier than the full 360 days but, since tigers have no off switch, I will keep on clawing for the full year.

I had thought I was behind on sparring until Anne notified me that I can count weapon sparring into my total. I am complete with the sparring requirement but I feel that personally, I need more sparring practice to solidify the application of the techniques. I need to put the finishing touches on my essay for empathy training before considering it complete. I have started, but not finished, reading Tao Te Ching. The thing I seem to have the most trouble with is blogging. As Steven pointed out, this seems to be a common thing. I like Anne's suggestion of quoting something from our reading and giving our thoughts on it. This could lead to additional comment opportunities for all tigers.

My desires for no tiger left behind day are sparring and possibly a brief brainstorming session for ideas concerning community action projects.

What's your status?

Okay, my TTRWT (Ten Tigers Reluctant Writer Team), consider this:

It's October, and there's a little more than 2 months left. This was day 290/365 -- so if we go to the very end of the year, that's only 75 days left. THAT'S NOT LONG!

Steven was talking about scheduling a No Tiger Left Behind meeting in November -- a very good idea -- so perhaps everyone should post their status as of right now, which would both alert ourselves on where we are and signal to Steven the kinds of catch-up that would be most helpful. The status could include a list of all the requirements, including blogging, book(s) of wisdom, and empathy training.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'd like to be finished with everything at about the same time that my semester ends, between the 10th and 14th of December. Then everything else is a bonus above and beyond the goals. I was really inspired by Steven's announcement that he finished his required acts of kindness, and by Dean's account of his day spent blind. We are an amazing group.

If you think it's useful to post your current status, I suggest that we do so in a new posting, not as a reply to this one. Title it so that it is easy to find, such as Anne's TT status. Try to get it posted by next weekend.

What do you think?

Gandhi and Orwell

Reading over the camp handbook that Eli and Larkin brought back from Vermont, I found the following Orwell quote, which led me to read his entire "Reflections on Gandhi" essay for the first time, which led me to, once again, post something I find relevant to life here in this forum for my fellow Tigers to contemplate.

After dissecting Gandhi's way of living, and his reasons for it, Orwell took issue with the extreme choices involved:

"The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection, that one is sometimes willing to commit sins for the sake of loyalty, that one does not push asceticism to the point where it makes friendly intercourse impossible, and that one is prepared in the end to be defeated and broken up by life, which is the inevitable price of fastening one’s love upon other human individuals."

The rest of the quote is also significant, in that it, in Orwell's traditionally ascerbic fashion, rejects sainthood -- and suggests that moral imperfections are, in themselves, worth pursuit:

"No doubt alcohol, tobacco, and so forth, are things that a saint must avoid, but sainthood is also a thing that human beings must avoid. There is an obvious retort to this, but one should be wary about making it. In this yogi-ridden age, it is too readily assumed that “non-attachment” is not only better than a full acceptance of earthly life, but that the ordinary man only rejects it because it is too difficult: in other words, that the average human being is a failed saint. It is doubtful whether this is true. Many people genuinely do not wish to be saints, and it is probable that some who achieve or aspire to sainthood have never felt much temptation to be human beings. If one could follow it to its psychological roots, one would, I believe, find that the main motive for “non-attachment” is a desire to escape from the pain of living, and above all from love, which, sexual or non-sexual, is hard work."

George Orwell, Reflections on Gandhi, 1949, par. 6
http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/o/orwell/george/o79e/part51.html

I'v not blogged in a looooooooonnnnnnnggggggg!!!! time so i have decided to, indeed blog. So I will start again: hi I'm Ling-oops-no-hey got it. I am looking forward to the next ten tigers meeting of south mantis. And i had a good time at camp so that's good.

Empathy Training....

I have completed my empathy training at long last. I blinded myself Friday night prior to going to bed and spent all day Saturday blind. The experience was very enlightening. I forced myself to live a day in the life of a blind person and the experience was in many ways much different than my pre-conceived notions.

I took notes (difficult when you can't see) on my thoughts, feelings, and experiences and am currently in the process of writing my experience into a single document. I will include the document in a subsequent blog (possibly a shortened version) and will send the complete document to all ten tigers members.

This experience has completely and irrevocably changed my perceptions of what most people refer to as handicaps and has proved to me what I have always suspected; A person is only handicapped if they choose to be. They may have to travel a different path, steeper, rockier, possibly even more difficult, but they can and do arrive at the same destination.

Much more to come on this subject....

Connections

I really enjoy the myriad ways that regular living connects with martial art training. The other day in class the lesson was about flowing with a sudden pressure rather than resisting -- times when a willow's flexibility is preferable to an oak's stubbornness. Giving way, or flowing with the pressure, can save energy, reduce pain, and increase options . . . and is very hard to learn. The alternative is even harder, however, ending with a good hard smack with a staff (or memorable lesson).

These same choices are present everyday in multitudes of interactions. Seeing the connections is like fitting a whole piece of one form into another -- it clicks together into a new thing entirely.

It's a good thing martial arts training goes on and on. I don't think I could absorb these lessons any faster.

Could it be?

Is it possible, that this is the hardest challenge the Ten Tigers have to face? A blog entry once a week. I even struggle on this one. I need some input from you guys, how can we get this part rolling again?

Rising to Challenges

All this work ... days/weeks/months/years of trying to get it right, forgetting/remembering the moves, despair/elation, tears/laughter, friendships made for a lifetime, friendships lost before they begin, daily sweat, occasional bloody mistakes, sore muscles, bruised ego and body ..., all this work ....

Then, sometimes, there's a dramatic "Yes! We Did It!!" (Dean's shout after co-leading the adult class on Friday). Some days, it all comes together beautifully.

I'm getting there. I don't know where "there" is, but it's a trip -- it's certainly a trip!

Worry

A few minutes ago, at 3:45 a.m., I waved goodbye to my two sons as they began their trek to a week-long camp in Vermont. They will experience two airplanes, one taxi, a Greyhound bus, and a van before arriving later today. Making each of those connections on time, finding time to eat, supporting each other, remembering their daypacks and shoes, and managing all this through a day that began with only 4 hours sleep.

Am I worried? Yes.

Am I scared? Absolutely.

Do I think they can do it? Yes and absolutely. Not only that, but if they run into difficulties, then they will learn to adapt and continue on anyway.

But the protective part of me is making the rest of this morning a bit difficult. I'm going to try to lay down this burden and continue on, but I think I will only succeed in shifting it to a more comfortable location.

Letting Go of Burdens

It is amazing how much easier life is when you let go of your burdens.

When you leave burdens behind instead of taking them with you, the path is easier, the climbs seem less steep, the paths seem shorter.

Today I biked while Emma stayed home with big sister.

Power

After doing multiple forms out in the yard in the moonlight (while also humbly acknowledging that I have been a bit chatty lately on this forum ...)

Isn't it interesting that it takes training to bring out our primal nature? We are so wrapped in layers of civilization that we have to be taught what it means to find, and then channel, our own power.

Secrets

I'm interested lately, because of a recent event, in the concept of life without secrets.

Walking

I took one of my usual late "use the force, Luke" walks with Mongo tonight. Sometimes I work my forms out on the docks, sometimes I just look out across the lake or up at the stars, but always I enjoy the mild challenge of a path so dark that I have to rely on other than sight to walk it.

Tonight there were some wild things in the bushes, rustling around, and a sweet scent of some blooming vine.

Master

I think the definition I like the best from the previous list would be, "an artist of consummate skill."

Good Idea, Bad Idea

Good Idea:

A 5 mile bike ride, pulling a toddler in her chariot on a breezy day.

Bad Idea:

A 5 mile bike ride, pulling a toddler in her chariot on a breezy day, after doing 20 minutes of stance work, and 200 push ups and sit ups.

Master

I typed in "define: master" in a google search, and got the following:

Definitions of master on the Web:

• maestro: an artist of consummate skill; "a master of the violin"; "one of the old masters"
• overlord: a person who has general authority over others
• victor: a combatant who is able to defeat rivals
• directs the work of others
• headmaster: presiding officer of a school
• an original creation (i.e., an audio recording) from which copies can be made
• be or become completely proficient or skilled in; "She mastered Japanese in less than two years"
• an officer who is licensed to command a merchant ship
• overcome: get on top of; deal with successfully; "He overcame his shyness"
• someone who holds a master's degree from academic institution
• dominate: have dominance or the power to defeat over; "Her pain completely mastered her"; "The methods can master the problems"
• an authority qualified to teach apprentices
• have a firm understanding or knowledge of; be on top of; "Do you control these data?"
• passkey: key that secures entrance everywhere
• chief(a): most important element; "the chief aim of living"; "the main doors were of solid glass"; "the principal rivers of America"; "the ...

So I'm working on my own definition.

Construction

Construction type work is one of the places where I am like a fish out of water. I had fun anyway.

What a weekend!

Ten Tigers: So challenging, so exhausting, so ... gratifying.

Thanks to everyone for your very hard work this weekend. The team effort made a huge dent in the continuing challenge of improving the straw bale lodge. I have to admit, though, that sitting around the fire, eating s'mores and listening to music was my very favorite part. Maybe we could do that particular bit of it again sometime?

You have each made my world a better place by being in it.

Small spaces

All of us probably work pretty hard at fitting our ten tigers requirements in small spaces sometimes. So I thought it would be helpful to point out that if you are trying to fit a form into the time it takes to cook dinner, Gung Gee runs just a little too long to safely leave oil heating in a skillet on the stove.

Just an FYI ...

400

I settled for 400 pushups and situps yesterday.

300

Three Hundred Pushups today!!

So far.

Dare I shoot for 500?

The long lost tiger is back!

I just finished catching up on everyone's posts and figured I better catch up on mine... literally! The vacation was GREAT! A much needed break from hectic schedules and other things. I got behind on my workouts again, mainly because I never caught completely up from a couple of weeks ago. I'm 5 days behind. I caught up a day after mowing the yard today since we got off early. I'm anticipating some severely sore muscles this week. I did get to catch up on some needed thinking and meditating time while I was at the lake and I was certainly excited about my reunion with my long unseen but not lost love... the sea. I will reserve a special post for my thoughts on that subject. Right now I'm trying to focus on catching up on my workouts and getting a firm grasp on my forms again before Steven puts me to the test. My mind has not truely been focused on the forms lately like it should be. I take comfort in the fact that martial arts is a life long process of learning and change with no deadlines or completion dates.

things I need to do

One thing that I need to do is write more I have only written a hand full of sentence in the last week. Also is that i need to do my ten tigers stuff so I think that I shall get off this computer and start doing pushups.


p.s there are many more things that I need to do

Acts of Kindness

I've done my acts of kindness for the Ten Tigers Program.

You know what that means.

NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY!!

Kidding of course.

Drift or Paddle

If you are in a canoe going downstream, you can paddle, or you can just drift. At first glance, drifting may seem to make more sense, either way you are going to go down the stream, paddling just takes more energy. If, however, you choose to paddle you can avoid obstacles, keep from spilling out of your canoe, choose whether to go upstream or downstream, and pull over to the bank whenever you want.

The last few days, I feel as though I've been drifting, allowing myself to be pushed around by the current. It's time to pick up the paddle again.

Learning about meditation

I purchased a couple of texts from the self-help section of Barnes and Noble -- much to my surprise and consternation. The one I am currently reading is by Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever you go, there you are. It's all about meditation and mindfulness, and I am enjoying every word. I'm out of my comfort zone in the self-help section -- a public place that declares to everyone that I am seeking (and therefore needing) assistance. All my life I have accepted that not needing assistance was the best persona to project. "Walk like you are going somewhere." "Never turn your head to look when someone shouts, or a horn beeps." "We don't need help, we help others." "Never let them know they've got you down." All those kinds of common advice can be handy at times -- but to always live by them is limiting.

Now maybe opening to possibilities is more helpful than projecting personas. Getting help is a pathway to being able to give it. Following someone's lead, or listening to their advice, can shed light in a dark place. Once I'm back steady on my feet, I can do offer the same to another. And so on, and so forth throughout time.

"If we hope to go anywhere or develop ourselves in any way, we can only step from where we are standing. If we don't really know where we are standing . . . we may only go in circles, for all our efforts and expectations. So, in meditation practice, the best way to get somewhere is to let go of trying to get anywhere at all." (16)

two steps back

my dad and I are working on some 35-year-old motorcycles, a 175cc, and a 125cc. so each of them is messed up in some way, the 175cc is missing a flywheel, the tank is rusted, needs new spark plugs, needs new hand grips, needs a new air filter, needs its chain righted, and its wiring replaced. the 125cc is in better condition it needs new points, and its wiring checked over.

a bit of a hassle.





*twitch*

Integration in progress

With my recently polished up awareness, I've been watching myself teach this semester, curious about my difficulties with performance while apparently being comfortable with teaching. While performing, I lose my center, lose myself, and have a kind of white noise in my head that makes thinking difficult. I don't see details around me, and all my vision turns inward.

It turns out that I have very similar feelings while teaching. I'm currently thinking that one difference is the length of the event. A class is, at a minimum, 50 or so minutes long. Those white-out periods pass while I go through the motions of performing my job. I get them, I feel them, and I almost panic because I can't remember what comes next. But it's MY class, it's my responsibility, and I can't let the students down. So I keep going through logical sequences of the subject that I know very well -- I know it well enough to ad lib at almost any point -- until I regain myself and connect back into the intended lesson for the day (like connecting back into the form).

I'm enjoying the sensation of being aware, and I'm increasingly appreciative of how much impact that can have on my classroom. For a long time I've struggled to integrate the "me" that practices kung fu with the "me" that does everything else. It's very, very satisfying to begin to see progress.

Why Compete? Part Two

When I first saw how important winning was to many people in tournaments, and what lengths some would go to to make sure that they won, I went on a mission.

My mission was to win without all the rule bending and breaking that I was seeing. To win forms and weapons competition without acrobatics added to my martial arts, to win sparring competition with traditional technique instead of point sparring techniques that would fail miserably in self defense. I wanted to show people that tournaments could be won without all that, and at different tournaments I had varying degrees of success.

Every body else, though, kept on doing the same things they had been doing. I had failed myself because my motivation was in the wrong place. I was trying to change other people.

After I realized my motivation was in the wrong spot I started competing for my self, not for others. My mission became to win with honor. I wanted to honor the traditional forms and techniques of the martial arts I study, and win tournaments in the process.

I learned a lot from this period in my life, but it still was not fulfilling. The idea of winning just wasn't doing it for me. When I won it was nice, but not what I envisioned it to be. When I didn't win, there were feelings of disappointment. So I needed a new answer to the question, "Why Compete?"

Coming soon: Part three of "Why Compete?"

One cannot fight for peace.

stuff

not even 10'0'clock and I've written 5 lines whilst playing the Beatles which, as you know cuts your writing speed in half

As long as I can

When I find myself by a calm lake, I sit by it as long as I can. Sometimes I can draw its coolness into my soul.

When I look at a clear night sky, I look as long as I can. The complexities and mysteries are endless and peaceful.

When I find a good teacher, I stay as long as I can. Learning never grows old.

Another's inspiration

I was rolling around some different thoughts on what to write tonight for my team posting ... then I ran across one of Tom Callos' pieces on how to behave as part of the staff of a martial arts school, and I thought it was inspirational enough to reprint here. It seems to reflect that Tigers have no off switch ... and I thought it was very fine (if lofty) advice for just plain living. Certainly it would be a wonderful thing to exude these qualities to others.

"You WILL develop the most wonderful, powerful, and exceptional attitude about your work, your team, yourself, and life –on the planet Earth. You will eat conflict for breakfast. You’ll laugh in the face of failure. “Impossible” will not be a part of your vocabulary. You will never, never, ever, –and I mean NEVER –blame other people for the way you feel and/or behave. You are a black belt –and that means you are the most confident, clear-thinking, compassionate, proactive, get-it-done, never-complain kind of person anyone would ever or could ever meet. You are a super-hero –and you will carry yourself in a way that makes people want what you’re practicing."

i like sharp and pointy things.

i just made a sharp and pointy thing!!! its a spear 3 feet long with a 6 inch blade thats very sharp, it gives me a sense of security in that i can handle more situations than without it. like, bashing down a burning door (its quite stout), defending myself, and (maybe) hunting with it as a throwing spear. all in all, i like it.

Why Compete? Part One

Recently having participated in a martial arts tournament, I've been thinking about the variety of reasons that people compete in them. I'll be posting my thoughts on some of the reasons that lead people into tournaments.

Reason number one for competition: To Win.


Some see this as the main, number one, most obvious reason to compete. Some believe that if you are not playing to win, there is no reason to play.

To some, winning is so important that all other considerations are secondary. If you have to bend the rules to win, you learn how far you can bend them before they break, and you learn to break them without getting caught. Learning how to break the rules becomes part of the competition. I have seen people at martial arts tournaments wear their sparring gear loosely on their hands so they can slide it nearly off their hands, giving themselves 6 to 8 inches more reach. I have seen people using a tactic called "taking your warning", in which at the start of a sparring match you kick someone as hard as you can in the stomach to wind them, you take the warning for excessive contact, and the advantage of a winded opponent.

These and other tactics are the result of a desire to win no matter what. Another result is feelings of disappointment, frustration, and anger when one doesn't win.

You can probably guess, that to me, winning is not a very good motivation for competition.

Next I will be discussing reason number two, which could be a subset of "Competing to Win". It is "Winning With Honor"

i have started to do quadruple stances so i can catch up, it feels good to catch up.

motivated

i am feeling more like i can do it, more like i can get it done, that is all


motivated

hi!

i haven't bogged in sooooooooo long its scary, i am sorry for letting it get to this state
and i will do it more often. no crossed fingers.

1st

1st degree black sash... oh yeah

Lesson learned

Train accurately for what you are going to do.

At the tournament, I did Lau Gar Kwun with my waxwood staff. Due to low ceilings, I had been practicing with my rattan staff.

I hit the floor with my longer staff at the tournament.

Twice.

Battle Ready - Updated

I'm about as battle ready as I know how to be. I've checked and repaired my gear, packed my bag, folded my clothes, practiced, exercised and stretched. Now there's another twelve hours before I even get there ...

I feel like a warrior of old, the night before the army marches ...

---------

After the battle is a different thing entirely. Now that my blade (staff) has been blooded, I know more than I did. I know I'm not so brave on the field as I might wish ... and I'm glad my tiger tattoo is only paint, after all. It takes time for warriors, or tigers, to get the feel of the field.

I hear adrenaline can be addictive ...

I very much enjoyed our introduction to kettlebells. I was sore in new places. Eventually I will buy some of those things.

Am doing good

I am doing good. There are times when you think that you have the worst life in the world, but you don't.

One thing I'm afraid of

I'm pretty tough and not afraid of much. Dark pathways in the woods, swimming alone in the lake at midnight, snakes, spiders, wild beasts, human predators ... I don't spend time being afraid of these things. One thing I'm afraid of is losing my confidence. I'm fairly capable most times, but sometimes ....

When I completed a recent 5K race, I couldn't find my car. I thought I knew where I parked, and walked confidently that direction ... no car. No car anywhere nearby. I felt silly at first, then panicky. Why couldn't I remember where I parked? The panic made me less logical as I searched. When I found it, I had been mistaken by one city block. How could that happen?

Another time, in sparring, I was with a partner who hit too hard. I asked my partner to lighten up, and tightened my guard. No good -- hit again, too hard. I asked again, tried harder ... same thing. I walked away, which was the right thing to do, but my confidence was damaged. Why couldn't I defend myself, keep from getting hit, when I knew a hard punch was coming? What was I training for, if not that? This was weeks ago, and I'm still mentally shaky in a sparring match with quick jabs.

When my confidence is lost, I convince myself that I can't meet the demands of the situation, and therefore I don't. I hear my own voice in my head telling me that it's not going to work, and I believe it.

A friend suggested that I try shrugging my shoulders and saying, "so what?" So what if I can't find my car this moment -- it's here somewhere. So what if I got hit a few times -- that's part of learning. So what? I think that's a key to letting go, something I've been working on for a while now. If I can defuse the fear that accompanies a loss of confidence, then I can keep my mind active and manage the situation better.

Making time to post

This seems to be one of the hardest things for me about the ten tigers program. The good news is that I only have a week and a half until graduation. I also have a new goal. I want to get an online store up, running, and profitable by April 2010 or find another job. We have all discussed acceptance. Acceptance makes things easier to deal with. It allows us to move past barriers. It can even help us to effect change in our surroundings. But what about the unacceptable?

I can no longer accept the selfish ineptitude of supposedly intelligent and educated people who adamantly refuse to see the borderline incompetence and overt finger pointing that permeates the working environment in which I must present myself. Judge for yourself. The plan from the mystic world of dementia; Company notifies workers Sunday evening that they will be working Monday until 3 pm and then pouring a bridge deck starting at 3 am on Tuesday. Motel room will be provided. Sounds clear cut and well planned, right?

Ok, now reality: workers wake at 3:45 as usual and drive 1.5 hrs to work. Workers notified at 10 am that we must be on the job ready to pour at 8:30 pm. Office wants to finish the cap we are working on so we work 8 hours to finish. Get to the motel at 3 pm, shower, eat and try to sleep. No luck with the sleep. Workers leave the job site at 4 am Tuesday morning and drive 1.5 hours home. No breaks during pour with inadequate lighting, 2 boxes of doughnuts made available just prior to leaving.

Now the really good part! The reason for the big change was a chance of rain during Tuesday. I'm not sure what kind of access to weather forecasting a million dollar company has but my simple perusal of the weather forecast on Sunday told me what they didn't know until half way through our Monday work day.

The only acceptance I can find in this more and more frequently occurring example is the fact that I can no longer tolerate this. While I have no problem with hard work, being flexible, or even going without sleep when needed, I would rather not do these things just to cover someones poor judgement, greed, and inability to properly plan an event we do on a regular basis.

So here is a challenge to the ten tigers team. Can each team member think of one positive way to mentally deal with a situation that has become unacceptable but requires time to separate one's self from that environment? Imagine yourselves in any scenario you can think of where you might experience things that are unacceptable to you. How would you handle it? How would you prepare yourself? How would you deal with others who are involved?

While writing this post I am aware that it is a bit on the negative side of life. I still wrote it though, with the knowledge that life in general is not always positive and we must occasionally find ways to deal with negativity, sometimes in the extreme. I will have to think a bit in order to answer this challenge, sometime after I have cooled off!

I like work!!!

well i discovered that i LIKE work!!! I discovered it when i moved 1500 pounds of wood for my dad, the reason i liked the work was because it was for some one else. if your doing work for someone else it becomes fun.








only some one you like, so no i dont think your job is fun Dean.

Enjoying yard work?

Today, my wife heard the lawnmower start, then the weedeater start. She thought to herself, "I think Steven is starting to enjoy yard work."

Enjoy yard work? I told her that I wasn't really enjoying it, but much like pushups, I didn't really mind the work anymore, and that I knew that the results I wanted were on the other side of the work.

So a simple thing like pushups has changed my attitude and approach to something totally unrelated like yard work. As I think about it, it has changed my attitude about a lot of things. Pushups have taught me that If I commit to something, and accept what I have to do to fulfill that commitment, I can go about a task that I absolutely do not enjoy, and go about it joyfully.

The First Answer

The first answer is "no." Doesn't it seem that way? When you call customer service, they say no. When you try to bend a rule, they say no. The powers that be, whoever they are, often greet any request with "no."

Do I do that too? Is my first answer "no"? Maybe I hesitate because I think I might be imposing, or because I think someone doesn't mean what they say, or because I am too shy?

With my children and family, I always try to make my first response "yes," but I don't think I am readily positive that much with others. Something I've noticed, more lately than ever before. In friendships, the closer the friendship grows, the more "yes" responses occur, and "no" just drops out of the conversation.

In a world often filled with "no," those "yes" words are sweet.

OK i'm going to try for before 12 'o clock

Here I go ten tigers before 12... I did it!!! Before 12, well... you get the picture...

AH yes the sweet taste of victory.

An interesting quote ...

"Practice isn't the thing you do once you're good. It's the thing you do that makes you good."

Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers, 41.

Six black, a brown and a purple ...

... and a red (along with the littlest, sleepiest, practitioner ever, and two aggravating dogs) went on a paddling trip that was a little longer, a little sunnier, and a little more fun than anybody expected. What a great adventure! This weekend was so much fun and so energizing, that today (though I am sore and sunburned) I feel like I could accomplish anything!

Perhaps, over the next 6 months, each tiger could propose their own adventure for everyone to participate in. After getting others' agreement, that tiger could do the planning, etc., for their selected trip -- developing skills in group organization, leadership, etc.

Thanks to each of you for being such a fine group. I am honored to be a member.

Strength and Weakness

I have been exploring one of my strengths and one of my weaknesses over the past few weeks.

The strength is tenacity, the ability to never give up, to get the job done no matter what.

The weakness is tenacity, the compulsion to keep going when I should rest, to get the job done without help no matter what.

Working on it.

also.

i'm also recovering, i could have gone up to loiusville and skinned my boat come back here gone to kung fu on thursday spent the night and done my birthday party that day. but no, R&R is what i need.

Recovery

For my part, right now, I am choosing not to use sheer willpower to keep going. My body is in need of recovery. I will grant it that, and adjust my plans after I'm back up to full speed.

yesterday, today, tomorrow

What I could not accomplish yesterday, I can do today. What today seems impossible can be overcome tomorrow.

A new experience

I seem to have reached a point in my life that I have never experienced before. It is not a point at which I want or need to be. It is subtle and yet profound. This point affects all aspects of my life. It takes much of the joy out of life and has turned me into a robot. I have reached the point known as mental exhaustion.

I have went as long as a week with nothing to eat but a par boiled rabbit and one eye ball during an extremely physically demanding training course. I have operated in water for 5 hour lengths, never touching a bottom or having anything to rest against, relying only on my own ability to tread water. I have operated concrete pump hoses without pause for 8 continuous hours with only a drink of water occasionally, for days on end. I have stayed awake for 76 hours straight (not recommended as hallucinations can be experienced). I can honestly say that I have pushed the limits of my body's endurance and never reached my physical limit. When my body seemed too tired to go on, I found that sheer willpower would take it further.

If only the mind worked in the same way. Its funny that the mind can support and renew the physical body but the body can't reciprocate. Being exhausted in the mind is not a pleasant experience. When I make it to class, my motivation comes from my classmates. I have relied on them to refresh my memory when I simply can't remember the next move of the form. My mind works constantly but somehow seems less productive. My sleep patterns are totally disrupted. I am running on habit. I write this after waking from a 4 hour nap in which I had no choice in taking. It was a necessity. I struggled through my homework but managed to finish.

I have gained focus in my life with martial arts, with school, with self-exploration but my continual state of tiredness has narrowed it down to a sort of tunnel vision. Where in the past I used willpower to push my body past its perceived limit into new territory, now it is used to complete my obligations and responsibilities as best I can. This point I have reached is not without its benefit. I have learned much about myself. I have learned more of what I am capable of doing. I have learned the value of rest and how I must take care of not only my physical body but my mental health also. I have always considered willpower to be an extension of the spirit. This has brought to me a greater appreciation for the terms body, mind, and spirit. The goal I have at this particular point in my life can be summed up in five words...

Five more weeks to go!

Challenge.

The challenge of the program for me now, is just staying caught up, I keep falling behind, then working to catch up, then falling behind.

Discipline and determination shall pull me through, I must avoid allowing frustration to put me in a "quitter" mentality, that will just get me further behind.

i'm holdin' even!

i going to hold everything even, so at a later date i can start an even more intensive program to catch up. i'm catching up on computer work though.
and i have an awesome new undertaking, boat building!

Flexibility

I've been forgetting about flexibility in my training, and when I forget about something, it comes back around to get me sooner or later. Last sparring rounds, I realized that I could not land a kick above Dean's knee block (of course, that block has always been very effective and very high). Then, in the next rounds, I kept finding the sole of my partner's foot planted near my head (Steven's, of course). Now, I'm not too bad at kicking underneath (thank you, Doc), and there are some very effective lower targets to go for (and I know that a kick above the waist is a waste), BUT ...

I'm going to get back to working on limbering up. A while ago I had been working on backbends, handstand pushups, etc., and had read that, to be more flexible, at least half of my exercises should be on my hands. Yoga-style workouts are a good example. (oh, hey, isn't Sifu Tammy getting into yoga now?) And a lot of the stretches we do in class are something I should be doing everyday! As I've gotten stronger through this ten tigers program, I've let my muscles only get bigger, not stretchier! Time to wake up, and get back on track!

halfway

halfway through my job, i hope my boat works out.

Relaxing! I have never heard of such a thing

OK that was a blatant lie, but still every night try as I might I can't help but run through the list of things that I didn't do, that I should have done, and I try to let go but I can't..... if I had a beard I would be stroking it now

Relaxing about it

All through this ten tigers stuff I've juggled and struggled to fill in the spreadsheet, rocketing from despair to pride and back again. Today I'm feeling relaxed and I think I'm getting better at letting some things go sometimes, only to pick them up again when the opportunity comes along. Forcing things works sometimes (it's my default mode), but when I can flow with it, wax and wane like the moon, then a rhythm seems to grow out of the chaos.

For instance, while writing this, I've been in horse stance for over two minutes (not low, not high, mid-range). If I remember to add the little things in, like 5-10 pushups while waiting for a program to load, then there's a rhythm rather than a rush. I like those days best. Over 3 minutes now, in the same horse stance.

I'm behind in stances, and typing distracts me ...

4 minutes. Done.

Adjusting to new schedule

Now that I'm working 4-5 days a week at that other job, it is very hard for me to schedule all the stuff I'm supposed to do in a day. I keep getting behind in one thing or another.

I guess my organizational skills will have to step up.

my first JOB.

i'm going to this camp called skipping fish boat school, and its 9-5 building a kayak.
but its the best job EVER, there is chocolate muffin breaks, ice cream on the way back from the dean lake, Popsicles in the fridge. plus we learn to roll in our kayaks.
and i can lash 15 strips in 30 minutes, which is three times faster than any one else.

new under taking here I come.

yow!!

2am in the morning, i didn't do my stances yesterday, i"m fatigued.
BUT!!!!!! ITS THE 4TH OF JULY!!!
AND WE BLOW STUFF UP!!! AND WE SET STUFF ON FIRE!!! AND WE, burn our hands on lighters.......

good night. meh.

Goals

I reached a goal last Tuesday in class that I had ... well, not despaired of, exactly, but perhaps shunted aside. Maybe I had decided it wasn't as important as when I set it. Maybe I thought that the effort wasn't worth the result. So, as we started the "how many pushups can you do in a minute" sequence in class, I had a surge of strength and ended up hitting the 50 military pushup/minute mark -- much to my surprise.

I set the goal in March 2008 of continual military pushups for a full minute, refined it to a more specific goal of 50 a few months later, so it's been well over a year. Now, since I had to put my knee down three times to reach 50, I have more work to do to make it better.

Sometimes when it's been a while since reaching a goal, it's hard to remember how good it feels.

J-U-N-K junk.

well, today i was cleaning my room and i found a bunch a junk, i mean a LOT of junk.
and i was amazed by how much stuff i would have considered valuable a year back.
i think that just shows how quickly your priorities change.

Fatigue

12 hour work days.

Miles on feet, miles on bike,

hundreds of pushups

out of gas.

Falling a little behind on stances and forms, but I've got no more to give tonight.

A good night's rest, a hot shower tomorrow, then back on the horse.

Whoa!!

Whoa! i woke up this morning and realized. I'm behind on stances!!!

No wonder i had nightmares.

Patience

I have been finding myself short on patience.

Not unable to find patience with others, but patience with myself.

I've been feeling rushed, and when I stop to sit still, in need of stimulation.

I'm working through it, remembering to breathe, trying to slow down.

It isn't easy, but I've learned to be patient with myself, I've learned that little things over long time periods yield big results.

whooooohooooo, i have complete all my sparring!!!
with a lot to spare.

Similarities

Because I teach writing and usually leave the topic choices wide open for my students, I end up reading lots of odd material. An evening of grading papers has me wading through arguments about advertising, child care, drinking age, deaf ear implants, etc. (You'd think that would give me lots to think about, but usually I get numb.)

But I ran across a paragraph in an article on gene selection that struck me. So, I logged onto Google to share:

• Our major competitors for just about everything in life are
  other people, so we are fine-tuned by evolution to be highly
  sensitive to the minute differences among us. All people might
  look pretty much the same to a space alien or a mosquito - or
  an evolutionary biologist - but not to a coach trying to build a
  winning sports team or to someone looking for a mate.

Meanings can run many ways and, of course, this is taken out of context in some respects, but I thought about how closely we examine ourselves in martial arts, how narrowly we watch our sparring partners, and how, though we are NOT competing against others, we use them to reflect off of anyway.

Art of Peace #34

Foster and polish
The warrior spirit
While serving in the world;
Illuminate the path
According to your inner light.

Tom Callos posted this to his UBBT guys.

A MESSAGE FROM COACH TOM TO MEMBERS OF THE UBBT 6

SATURDAY, JUNE 20, 2009 AT 11:13AM

(Note to the general public / non-ubbt readers of this journal): The UBBT's journals have brought a kind of "transparency" to the testing process --you get to see, in part, just how real black belts apply themselves to their test -and their lives ---to see the cognizance they can muster, to see how they deal with the hardships, with the ideas (and/or you can see just how someone who says "I will stand up as an example of "the ultimate black belt" --does not follow thru....like, I would guess, so many people who start the martial arts but don't continue).

Through the journals you get to see just how smart and creative and resourceful these black belt teachers are --or are not. What do they think about? How do they view their "test." How do they deal with failure? What are they reading and watching? What are they doing for others? Who inspires them?

In the UBBT 6, as in a few of the past tests, we have a number of our team who are failing to show up, here, in the most important part of this process --in the only part of the UBBT we can all observe. In the following letter, I reach out to non-participating master teachers --to remind them of why they are here and the importance of doing as they want their students to do.

Coach Tom

-----------

To Team 6:

We seek to honor our teachers, our interests, our life's work, the martial arts
and --maybe, even "life" --------by honoring the way we apply ourselves to our
martial arts journey, our "black belt test."

If not to this, then to what? Oh yes, of course, our families! Those are equally,
if not far more, important.

But let's say we honor our loved ones by acting with honor as martial arts
"people." Let's say that the UBBT is about asking more of ourselves in areas
where we have not asked enough of ourselves in the past.

And let's say we do this all, for ourselves -and our families, and at the same
time lead 1000 + other people (and most likely, a LOT more) to a NEW
way to use their martial arts to teach, to make change, and to engage the
world?

Please re-look at your journey and your commitment to this little project of
ours. From a big-picture perspective, this year's going to come and go....it's
going to slip by and hardly be remembered. I'd like to suggest that you
not only start treating the here and now with more awareness --but use these
soon to be forgotten moments / days to make a statement.

By not journaling after committing yourself to the project weakens the power
we have, it weakens what you can say about being a black belt, it weakens our ability to
say, "THIS, is being a martial artist and a black belt" ----because "this" becomes
our failure to be here -now.

We stand a chance to be very powerful, a very positive influence on a LOT of people and
maybe even an entire "industry" and/or "the martial arts world." Because of our/your
influence we are making acts of kindness a force in people's lives, via martial art
instruction. Add to that diabetes education, more dialog about peace, anger control as
a part of martial arts training....

We are promoting business honesty, transparency, and sustainable method of
business management.

We are bringing a much more aggressive form of community activism and humanitarianism
to hundreds -and maybe 1000's of schools. All because of our journaling --the journal entries
about how you're putting these ideas to work and what you're learning from it.

You are, believe it our not, leading an "intellectual" revolution in our little "world." I've worked all
my life to be here, right here and now, and this is my world-champion try out. Fortunately (or
unfortunately) I am dependent on all of you to help bring the soul, the sensibility, the wisdom, and
the heart to the "business" of teaching the martial arts -----that I think it should have.

In fact, I don't think I can make a difference without your help.

So here I am, asking you to simply turn on your computer and talk to the world about
what it is to be a life-long practitioner of the martial arts. To talk about you "ultimate" vision
of your life and how you're pursuing it.

Please team, look at what you're doing --and do your best.

Tom

Getting Ahead/Behind

Tammy pointed out to me how acutely aware I become when I get behind on my ten tigers work commitment, whereas I barely notice getting ahead. It has set me thinking about how we more quickly recognize our failures than our successes.

Part of this program is a year long log of our successes.

So far this year, I have done 15,616 push ups and situps, I've spent close to 5 hours in stance training, I've spent over 10 hours sparring, and I've done at least 245 acts of kindness.

Something to think about ain't it?

Crossroads

I've been thinking about mental changes (and perhaps physical too) that take place in the crucial juncture of blue/purple belts, when so many leave/reject the discipline of kung fu. Having just reached purple myself, I'm curious, a little afraid, and a lot worried about my own progress. Thinking about it more broadly might help.

I've begun seeing so many flaws in my own work that it's depressing. I know more than I did, but feel like I should be more capable than I appear to be. Not that I haven't had wonderful achievements – the kind that changed how I thought about myself – but as a result I begin to see more fully how difficult sustaining achievement is.

People who reach this stage might evolve several strategies. One is to end the struggle. It's too hard, it's too long, it takes too much time, I can't do it right, etc. Those moments of achievement were enough. That path offers a way out, a way to be satisfied with how things are. I can understand the choice to apply so much energy in some other direction (or no direction at all).

Another tactic could be to plod determinedly on, patiently, same-same, adding one more move, forgetting others, until, by sheer weight of numbers, the black belt testing time is reached. That test, then, can become an end, a release to the work and repetition. There, one can say, I've reached my goal. Quitting might not even be a conscious intention of reaching the test, but it is a viable point where one could exit with dignity, having gained a significant achievement. I could see wanting to carry that feeling along whatever other road I traveled, without expending more effort.

A third strategy could be to see the struggle as part of the continuing challenge. The feelings of fear, worry, inability are integral to a state of constant learning -- one more of many steps -- and the end is not a subject of contemplation. A flaw in performance provides direction for what to work on next. A forgotten form is an opportunity, not a failure. Fear is a signifier of awareness, not a weakness. Arriving at the black belt test could be, then, a marker of achievement, an opportunity to acknowledge and celebrate dedication to the path itself, and an attempt to walk with those who travel similarly.

The mid-upper range belts are crossroads, and not the only ones that will come and go. Change is hard, choices are unclear, and daily habit becomes more difficult to overcome than fear. The paths sometimes seem to all be uphill, comprised of too many steps. I get tired. I get dispirited. I get discouraged. And then I get afraid. When I am already defeated in mind, it doesn't take much to let my body follow. I can defeat myself without even getting out of my chair!

I read a short article the other day that emphasized how finding the right teachers was important, but the student still had to do the work, find the drive, push themselves. No one can do that for us. Perhaps this crossroads that people reach in kung fu is where they have to contemplate real change, not just temporary, or for fun. I've realized that my slow kicks aren't going to improve during classtime (though I have been shown the way to change them more than once). I see that my sparring competence is marred by my emotional incompetence, but to deal with that takes more than pretension. I've found that my understanding of the purpose of moves continues to be shaky and incomplete (seemingly regardless of how many times I see the application), and to internalize the information is going to take another level of awareness. I feel like I need a whole other gear in my mechanism, and I don't know if I have the strength to add it when I can barely keep everything running as it is.

The crossroads. Turn back? Turn left? Turn right? Or change for real.

Mileage

It looks like I will be making up my miles and finishing that part of ten tigers. Bicycling does not seem to hurt my hip.

I know it doesn't have anything to do with kung fu but I made a 87.5% on my math final! That is much better than I expected. Algebra is the only class in my 2 year degree so far that I averaged less than 97%. I am so happy with myself! I just wanted to share this with all my friends!!! Only 2 classes to go!

Still pushing

I've reached a new personal best on 60 second pushups   81.

Going for 100, then maybe 120.

As Dean said i'm sorry, we've been sort of out of touch with the kung fu society, i am going to blog more. That. Is. all. ZzZzZzZzZzZzZ.

Apologies...

I feel the need to apologize for my lack of posts. My current algebra class has been very demanding of my time. Another horrible headache as well as 2 Capstone assignments has kept me from making it to class tonight. Believe me, I would much rather be working on Fu Hok. My throbbing eyeballs are telling me to cut this short. I hope to see you all on Thursday. Take care of yourselves and wish me luck on my finals this week.

What else is it?

I was reading one of my ubiquitous and often rather silly fantasy books a week or so ago, and one of the repeated themes in it was to look at things in different ways -- anything, all things. Something appears to be one thing, and it is, but what else is it? A book, for instance, can be a book, a story, a bit of wisdom, a paperweight, a chock, an experience, a flower press.... The point is to train our vision to see things in multiplicities rather than singularities. The more ways you can see a thing, a person, a situation, then the more ways we have of dealing with it.

Steven's recent post reminded me of this topic, since he was relating the way learning about bonsai has made him see trees differently, caused him to notice ways they grow. A tree is many things as well: a plant, a resource, firewood and warmth, housing for wildlife, food for bugs ... and art. A bonsai tree can be a source of meditation, a representation of wisdom and patience.

Martial arts can be a simple exercise. What else?

Banzai!!! I mean Bon Sai!!!

I am in the beginning stages of learning to grow bon sai trees.  It's fun, it's new, and I'm already learning lessons from it.

Growing a bonsai tree is a long term hobby.  It requires patience and willingness to enjoy delayed gratifi-

cation.

There is work to be done shaping a bonsai.  I sat down for about an hour deciding how to shape my tree, then spent about an hour wiring it.  The next step is to wait several months.

Once I started a bonsai, this small scale tree caused me to start noticing the way trees grow in nature.  It caused me to think about the forces that led a tree to be shaped the way it is.  It caused me to observe trees and think.

Once I started one bonsai, I started looking for more trees to work with.

Martial arts training is a long term hobby too.  There is work to be done.  One must do the work then wait months to really see the results.  Learning about how the body moves in martial arts teaches more about how bodies move everyday.  Once you learn one thing in martial arts, the desire to learn more grows.

Students

I love teaching, and I love my students. There's always something new to consider that comes from them. A freshman student of mine just posted her favorite quote:

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye. . . . It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
– Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. - The Little Prince.

It's been years since I've read that text, and I forgot it was a "book of wisdom" in its own right. I think I'll pick it up again. I have failed to "waste" time lately for my particular rose (martial arts), and to listen to my heart, because my mind is shouting at me so loudly to get things done!

Adjusting

So now I'm working part time at the cave again. Adjusting to the new schedule is difficult. I had gotten into a rhythm with my 10 tigers stuff, and this silly job thing threw me off. What that means of course, is I have to adjust my rhythm. I once more have to find a way to make time and summon the energy to meet the requirements.

So here I am jumping back up into the saddle.

Car Fixing

If a car's brakes give out then you fix them, right? (Good gosh, I hope so. If not, you'll crash and bash your head, be in a coma for 3 months, be mentally messed up and have the neighbor dog chewing your leg off.) Good. And if the airconditioning goes bad, you'll have to fix that too and eventually you will have remade the car. Just like you say, eh, Eli???? (see blog below)

talking new

If its not in your nature to be a talker, a blogger, a mailer, or a tweeter, but you have to blog, talk, mail, and tweet, then why not try and change your nature and try to change your nature and become a talker, a blogger, a mailer, and tweeter. if you can do that you can change your self in small ways until your brand new.

Let the caution go

Today I had a success -- a little thing, but important and symbolic to me. In class, when Steven asked, "who wants to be thrown?" for the first time I didn't struggle with speaking up. I let my heart shout out. It's silly, in a way, because who wouldn't just speak right up if they wanted to be thrown? It's part of kung fu. But I know I hesitate, I wait, I don't want to seem too eager, and then I beat myself up for it later when I missed an opportunity to do something I really love. This time, though, I didn't hesitate more than a fraction to see if someone else wanted it more, I didn't let my fear of falling wrong stop me, and I didn't let my worries about looking foolish or failing get in my way.

Who wants to be thrown? I sure do! Why not say so?

Tomorrow, I must become a marketing machine.  It does not come naturally to me.  I have to get in character, I have to be an actor.  It's what I must do to have the financial success required in this world.  Wish me luck.

Paths

Living in the moment, finding peace in stillness, keeping a clear mind -- how do all these good thoughts mesh with planning for the future? To choose a path, I need to see where it might go, yet the harder and farther I try to see, the hazier the horizon becomes. Then I get entangled in the struggle and can no longer see any path. This is one of my consistent challenges: finding a way to flow through multiple paths and possibilities when my tendency is to grab a machete and clear the way. I think my conscious mind gets in my way, but I do not yet trust enough to let go.

Milestones

I've reached a milestone today. Though I had to sacrifice Tuesday's class to get it done, I have sent Chapter 1 of my dissertation to my director for the first viewing. It needs work still, but it's a 33-page complete background history of my topic. I'm pretty pleased about that!

Lute

Having received the gift of a baroque lute, I may have found my new undertaking for the ten tigers program.

Quote of my day

"Warriorship gives birth to natural beauty." Art of Peace #12 (partial)

Just thinking...

Storm clouds gather as the forces of disturbance encircle me.
My enemies are a hundredfold and more, stamping out the dirge of contention as they advance.
Strife and conflict do battle with peace.
The harmony of my soul is troubled by discord and grief rides a mighty steed.
My courage and my strength are reminiscent of the wind.
The quiet of morning gives way to the evening breeze.
But lo, I am safe within the stronghold of my heart.
The mind keeps watch with vigor.
The walls of character repel the onslaught with great fortitude.
Guard well the gates of the spirit, for the mirror reflects all things.

The Art of Peace

#75

Failure is the key to success;
Each mistake teaches us something.

gardening

Small garden this year, but a garden nonetheless.  It's hard to do without power equipment.  As rewarding as it is for me to make recipes from scratch, it will be even more so when I grow the veggies too.

A potential purpose for vacations

This one's for all of us contemplating some time off from everything ...

"Now and again, it is necessary to seclude yourself among deep mountains and hidden valleys to restore your link to the source of life. Breathe in and let yourself soar to the ends of the universe; breathe out and bring the cosmos back inside. Next, breathe up all fecundity and vibrancy of the earth. Finally, blend the breath of heaven and the breath of earth with your own, becoming the Breath of Life itself."

Art of Peace #9 http://www.jinshinkan.searaven.org/

Lake

to get in our mileage we(that's me and Eli)decided to kayak on the flooded lake. It's 10.8 feet above the norm. And so we were in the creek well creek is not big enough...river that's it so any way we were up the creek with our paddles. When i got snagged on a bramble and I went over with no skirt and for you non kayaking types a skirt is something that covers the hole that you sit in so I'm in the water kicking and flailing and then...i could touch. And Eli comes back cuz he was in front and so i got on his kayak and we locamotived back half of the way back. By the way we had all of our dogs with us and to those who don't know it thats three dogs and two kids and we were dragging a swamped kayak i was kicking and Eli was paddling. So half way back we over balanced we went "splash" so i came up first and then Eli and we looked around two sec. later Roger! one of our dog's was still under the kayak!!! but before i could blink Eli had gotten roger out. He is never coming on water again but still we had two swamped kayaks and two kids of course we swim back to the docks.

The Art of Peace

"The Art of Peace begins with you. Work on yourself and your appointed task in the Art of Peace. Everyone has a spirit that can be refined, a body that can be trained in some manner, a suitable path to follow. You are here for no other purpose than to realize your inner divinity and manifest your innate enlightenment. Foster peace in your own life and then apply the Art to all that you encounter." From The Art of Peace, by Morihei Ueshiba. http://www.jinshinkan.searaven.org/

This quote is the first one in this recommended text from a Tom Callos email. I thought it matched well with the acceptance theme from Dean's previous blog. Further, the martial art represented by Ueshiba is Aikido, which really interests me since it emphasizes flowing with your opponent rather than clashing. That's something Steven keeps trying to teach me ...

Thinking about reaching this long term goal of flowing, not fighting, reminds me of a couple of years ago (was it that long?) when I was trying to learn a roundhouse kick from Tammy in the adult MMA Tues/Thurs program. I would watch Tammy, listen, and try it. There was no snap, no power. I could hit harder with my fists than with my stronger legs. I was frustrated. Steven walked by, corrected a few things, and emphasized practice and patience. He said I'd feel the difference when I got it right, and then, though I might feel it once, it may be a while before it would happen again, and would be longer still before it would happen reliably. I have touched that difference several times since then and know that it comes from really deep within on a subconscious level. When I get my mind out of the way (which is too full of fears, tension, and even hope), then my body can do its work. I don't mind the wait now, and I'm building the patience with practice so that the difference may come more often.

61

I reached a goal.

60 pushups in sixty seconds.

Then one more for good measure before the clock ran out.

Acceptance Training

Steven, I wanted to say thanks for the talk we had about acceptance. I told you tonight at the kwoon how I did acceptance training while stuck in stooped interstate traffic. It was actually amazing that at the exact time I accepted the fact that I was not going to be on time for class and possibly not be there at all, my attitude, my mood, even my whole perspective of the situation changed.

I am really glad that I recalled our talk at that particular time. I was frustrated with the distance I had to travel, with the other drivers, with the whole situation. I finally accepted the fact that I would be extremely late at the least, there was nothing I could do about it, and that was that. Then I looked at myself. How many times have I said I wish I had more time for self reflection, to think, or even to think of nothing and watch the grass grow. Here I was, wasting a golden opportunity for the very things I wanted more time to do! From that point on, I had a smile on my face, I understood that the other drivers were stuck in the same situation as me, and the likely cause of the traffic jam that was merely a frustration to the hundreds of vehicles stuck in it was most likely a tragedy for someone else. When I considered the situation in that light, I was ashamed of myself for complaining in the first place.

I think acceptance is something I need to start training for on a daily basis. To make it a part of my workout and daily routine. Acceptance leads to good things. I can't recall a time when I spent such a long drive without the worries and hectic scheduling occupying most of my thoughts. I actually enjoyed the drive despite missing class! Thanks again for the lesson.

I'v Always Wanted To

I've always wanted to, maybe play an instrument or be computer programmer or an engineer. There are so many options. How are you supposed to choose one? It's almost impossible. I mean you could be any thing from a Martial arts master in Kentucky to a peanut roaster in LA, you know they do have those, the peanut roaster that is

What would you do?

There comes a time in each persons life where you ask your self, what would I do?
When you hear a story on the News and you ask your self what would I do?
Every time I hear that question the only answer I can come up with is, i don't know.
I have no idea what I am going to do, so I aim to take things in my stride so the question what would I do will not bother me. In my experience it works.

Almost there

I know you guys can relate, I'm ready for a break in the action.  The last few weeks have been  a whirlwind.  One thing after another after another.  I think a pause is on the horizon though.  I'm hanging in there, doing as much of my requirements as I can and just keeping my head above water.

Heart

I read something the other day that is sticking with me.

"Listen to what your intuition is telling you. If you listen to your mind, it's going to say the same old stuff as it has all along. Listen to your heart instead."

Dreams

“The only dreams that come true are the ones that change every day.” This mantra I have lived by for two decades is still full of meaning for me. I was thinking about dreams lately, what they're made of, how we create them, pursue them, and sometimes get defeated by them . . . The only thing worse, I think, than failing to reach a dream is not having one in the first place.

What if, upon birth, everyone was assigned a dream? A fixed goal that you either achieved or didn't. If it didn't suit you, or if life didn't provide the tools you'd need to reach it, too bad. Perhaps the most wonderful thing about dreams is their flexibility. Because we create them, we can change them. We don't remain the same, we grow and change, see new horizons, identify new walls that need climbing . . . so should our dreams change as well.

It's taken me most of my life thus far to get on a path where I am comfortable with the progress of dreams, where I can see some as achieved and others as in progress. Most wonderful of all, though, is that there are always more to come, some I'm sure I can't even imagine. Who could have guessed that in my forties I would fall in love with martial arts? When we are open to possibilities, all things become possible.

Self-Defense Training for The Master of the Martial Arts

Self-Defense Training for The Master of the Martial Arts

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I'm too nice!

I guess that about anyone who reads these blogs has told me at least once that I'm too nice. Believe me, the kwoon is not the only place I've heard this. While being considerate of others is just a part of who I am, I am determined to find a middle ground with this. How many times have I not only cheated myself of a victory but cheated my sparring partner of a learning experience by being too nice. How many times does the student almost make the teacher tap out but doesn't because he's too nice. And Steven, you know I don't get you in that position very often!

This falls along the same lines as not hitting a woman. I just don't like to hurt other people. That's not to say that I can't or haven't in times past but those were under different circumstances. I have no problem hurting someone who is trying to do the same to me. But there must be a middle ground. And I suspect the middle ground is in my head, not my physical capabilities. The question is, how do I overcome something so deeply rooted in me? I still have a hard time hitting the ladies in class, even after all the times they have boxed my ears.

Any thoughts or suggestions on this?

Quarterlies

The first quarter of the year approaches. I've been adding up my columns and am fairly pleased with the result. How different it all seems when reduced to numbers! I can see my time and energy wax and wane, but then there's a consistency too that comes through over a longer period (some shorter periods wildly fluctuate). Perhaps the way we each work our ten tigers requirements reveals some insight into ourselves. Glancing at my record, I'd guess I have a bit of trouble with discipline (though that's not a surprise to me).

Moving

First of all, thank you, thank you , thank you to all that have helped so far.  I can't express the amount of appreciation I have for all of you.

Secondly (this may come as a surprise) the last few days, I have not kept up with my 10 tigers work.  I accept this, and will get back on that horse as soon as my shoulders recover from moving the training floor.

Tenacity

So, there was this mouse.

My screened-in porch, with its cat door, is like a death camp for mice. Each night, the cats catch mice out in the fields and bring them in to play on the porch, where they can't get away. We scoop up the bodies each morning. A little gruesome? Yes.

But a few mornings ago there was this one mouse, different from the rest. This mouse, faced with certain death, refused to give up. He wedged himself between the screen and the porch railing, in a very thin space that squashed him flat, and pulled his tail up parallel to his body. This mouse just waited, barely able to breathe. He found a hiding place that others had missed and, most important of all, he had the patience to stay there all night.

When I found him the next morning, I could only see him from outside the porch -- a silhouette of a rodent. I went into the house, got a flat ruler, pulled his tail down and slid him out of the flat space. He was just fine. I took him a long way from the house and let him go.

I keep thinking about him, though. When all else is against you, when it seems impossible to try any harder or to wait any longer, remember that one small mouse can beat three cats, given enough tenacity.