When I first saw how important winning was to many people in tournaments, and what lengths some would go to to make sure that they won, I went on a mission.
My mission was to win without all the rule bending and breaking that I was seeing. To win forms and weapons competition without acrobatics added to my martial arts, to win sparring competition with traditional technique instead of point sparring techniques that would fail miserably in self defense. I wanted to show people that tournaments could be won without all that, and at different tournaments I had varying degrees of success.
Every body else, though, kept on doing the same things they had been doing. I had failed myself because my motivation was in the wrong place. I was trying to change other people.
After I realized my motivation was in the wrong spot I started competing for my self, not for others. My mission became to win with honor. I wanted to honor the traditional forms and techniques of the martial arts I study, and win tournaments in the process.
I learned a lot from this period in my life, but it still was not fulfilling. The idea of winning just wasn't doing it for me. When I won it was nice, but not what I envisioned it to be. When I didn't win, there were feelings of disappointment. So I needed a new answer to the question, "Why Compete?"
Coming soon: Part three of "Why Compete?"
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A difficulty in the ordinary concept of "winning" is that, to win, someone else has to lose. I have felt a sense of guilt in winning, such as when it seems to be associated with size or experience rather than skill, or when a simple error on someone else's part defaults the win to me.
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