I'm too nice!

I guess that about anyone who reads these blogs has told me at least once that I'm too nice. Believe me, the kwoon is not the only place I've heard this. While being considerate of others is just a part of who I am, I am determined to find a middle ground with this. How many times have I not only cheated myself of a victory but cheated my sparring partner of a learning experience by being too nice. How many times does the student almost make the teacher tap out but doesn't because he's too nice. And Steven, you know I don't get you in that position very often!

This falls along the same lines as not hitting a woman. I just don't like to hurt other people. That's not to say that I can't or haven't in times past but those were under different circumstances. I have no problem hurting someone who is trying to do the same to me. But there must be a middle ground. And I suspect the middle ground is in my head, not my physical capabilities. The question is, how do I overcome something so deeply rooted in me? I still have a hard time hitting the ladies in class, even after all the times they have boxed my ears.

Any thoughts or suggestions on this?

Quarterlies

The first quarter of the year approaches. I've been adding up my columns and am fairly pleased with the result. How different it all seems when reduced to numbers! I can see my time and energy wax and wane, but then there's a consistency too that comes through over a longer period (some shorter periods wildly fluctuate). Perhaps the way we each work our ten tigers requirements reveals some insight into ourselves. Glancing at my record, I'd guess I have a bit of trouble with discipline (though that's not a surprise to me).

Moving

First of all, thank you, thank you , thank you to all that have helped so far.  I can't express the amount of appreciation I have for all of you.

Secondly (this may come as a surprise) the last few days, I have not kept up with my 10 tigers work.  I accept this, and will get back on that horse as soon as my shoulders recover from moving the training floor.

Tenacity

So, there was this mouse.

My screened-in porch, with its cat door, is like a death camp for mice. Each night, the cats catch mice out in the fields and bring them in to play on the porch, where they can't get away. We scoop up the bodies each morning. A little gruesome? Yes.

But a few mornings ago there was this one mouse, different from the rest. This mouse, faced with certain death, refused to give up. He wedged himself between the screen and the porch railing, in a very thin space that squashed him flat, and pulled his tail up parallel to his body. This mouse just waited, barely able to breathe. He found a hiding place that others had missed and, most important of all, he had the patience to stay there all night.

When I found him the next morning, I could only see him from outside the porch -- a silhouette of a rodent. I went into the house, got a flat ruler, pulled his tail down and slid him out of the flat space. He was just fine. I took him a long way from the house and let him go.

I keep thinking about him, though. When all else is against you, when it seems impossible to try any harder or to wait any longer, remember that one small mouse can beat three cats, given enough tenacity.

Books of wisdom

I'm reading a book that my daughter gave me when I asked her for a recommendation on a “book of wisdom.” It's called The Alchemist: A Fable about Following your Dream, and is an easy-to-read text that reminds me a bit of Jonathan Livingston Seagull. One recurrent theme is about learning -- real learning -- the kind that is not found in books but rather is passed from person to person, in a language that can be understood across dialects and cultures. The story emphasizes that “things have to be transmitted this way because they were made up from the pure life, and this kind of life cannot be captured in pictures or words.”

I've been thinking about how well this theme applies to the martial arts work that we do together. It helps describe some of the surface attraction of the training, and hints at the additional layers that keep us linked together. Books on martial arts can be bought and studied, and some curiosities can be satisfied this way, but the real learning comes in the sweat and the muscle, the impossibility of the effort, the endless repetition, and the layered understanding that comes with a look, a kick, a word.

Another theme is patience. This kind of learning cannot come in a short, convenient course, and it cannot come without the student being willing to let go of resistance and embrace what is not fully understood – what perhaps cannot be fully understood. It may be that this kind of learning is actually life itself, the real living of it. Letting go, not grasping, being able to let the possibilities be undefined, paying attention (finally) to a constantly shifting “now” and staying in it because that's where the learning is happening.

Heh – it sounds so easy...

Another book (one that I've never had the nerve to attempt to read, The Dancing Wu Li Masters) covers quantum theory, and has a theoretical-level mathematician character who describes a difficult concept in math. The student, after struggling with the explanation, complains that he still doesn't understand it. The teacher explains further, with some surprise: “Math can never be understood. It can only be accepted.”

Another Challenge

I have discovered another challenge, although it is not the type of challenge we have been giving to each other. I don't know if I am the only one to recognize this or if all of you have noticed the same thing but I have discovered a challenge hidden within the Ten Tigers program. The challenge is simply a point of view.

Before the Ten Tigers program came into existence, all of my activities in hung gar have been inspired by a desire to learn and do more in the art. This desire has spawned a love of martial arts. It is always easier to do something you love because of the desire to do it anyway. As I started into the program, my desire was to improve my skills and learn more in a shorter period of time. Now, 4 months into the program, I have caught myself viewing the activities as requirements from time to time. During these times the activities are viewed as something that must be done. They are performed and completed because they are required rather than out of the love of fulfilling a need and desire. Herein lies the challenge of perspective.

I find I must occasionally consider my reasons for doing what we are doing. I want to look at the requirements as guidelines to improve my fitness as well as my martial and performance skills. Sometimes this is not the case. Sometimes I look at them as a list of requirements that must be done each day. I perform them from the sterile perspective of necessity rather than the deeply fulfilling perspective of desire and love. The challenge is to adjust my perspective at those times. To find the desire again and apply it to exactly why I am doing push-ups, sit-ups, stances, etc. on top of the physical demands of my job.

Am I the only one experiencing this? Am I alone in this challenge?

Slump is over.

I'd say the slump is over, yesterday I did 15 minutes of stances, all three of my standard forms for practice plus six more and 340 pushups and situps.

So long slump, and I'm stronger for the next one.

Hanging in there.

I've been in quite a slump the last few days.  I've been trying to hold on and do as much as I can motivate myself to do.  I'm remembering what I learned from my last slump and pushing through the best I can.  It feels like I'm almost on the other side.  

One day at a time.

sorry

i have not been posting i have been busy with stuff like playing video games and d&d and other stuff. but you guys have much more... "uhh" i think the word that i'm looking for is, important things to do then playing video games like you dean you have Bridges to build and you Steven you have a biz to run am i rite

A funny undertaking

So today is two days away from Easter, the time for new things.
Well a slightly new undertaking for me is entering a comedy contest in the new yorker,
where my entree is 'thirteen dead fish with no appreiciation'.
You need the picture to really get it, but I thing its funny.
My real new undertaking i'v decided is going to be piano, yes thats right piano.
Thank you ladys and gentleman, i'll be here twice a week!

Not going to think of it as being behind ...

About the only thing I've been able to maintain the original schedule for is blogging. Probably that's because I spend such a considerable amount of time online and posting here qualifies as fun. However, for the other areas, I'm going to focus on reorganization, recalculation, and renewal. Spring is the time for hope, for new growth, for optimism, for laying plans to get good things to grow. While I'm not where I could be in the schedule, where I am is good. The roots go deep.

Behind i am not (exept on blogging)

i have been pulling double on every thing except blogging
and as such i'm starting to pull double on blogging too.
so how is every body doing on there stances im doing great
because i do quadruple the normal amount.
Chow.

Getting back in the saddle ...

Moments are sometimes longer than what we normally conceive of as moments. The good times, the highs, can be alarmingly brief, and the lows can stretch on forever. It seems that a lot of time is spent looking up from the ground, contemplating how best to get back in the saddle.

But that's the thing -- to always get back on. Because to give up is unacceptable. After you give up, then what? Sometimes I can land back in the saddle with a single leap, landing gracefully. Sometimes even a stirrup held by a friend isn't enough. But even if I have to build a contraption to hold the horse and lower myself into the seat, though it may take a little longer, the effort makes the success all the more sweet.

So, I'm building. A bit at a time. And I'm making it work. Those are the skills that this program comes down to, sometimes, a toolbox of skills that applies to everything we do.

Closer to the goal.

After reminding myself of some good goal setting techniques, my quest for 60 pushups in 60 seconds is getting closer.  

I decided to start a little smaller 30 in 30 seconds, then 40 in 40, 45 in 45, and so on.

Last night I made another step along the way.  

50 pushups in 50 seconds.

I also did it with situps.

On to 55.

What it's all about

When it all comes closing in on you.  When the pressures of life seem overwhelming.  In that moment you may look at this program, all the exercise, all the reading, all the blogging, and you may think, "why, what's the point?"

When that happens, push through, do what you can at the time, make up the rest later.  Push through to the other side.

When you get there, I hope you will realize, that those hard moments, those struggles, those days of getting down on the floor and doing ten more pushups anyway, doing one more kind of act even though you don't want to, writing one more entry despite all the other struggles going on, 

that is what it's all about.