Worry

A few minutes ago, at 3:45 a.m., I waved goodbye to my two sons as they began their trek to a week-long camp in Vermont. They will experience two airplanes, one taxi, a Greyhound bus, and a van before arriving later today. Making each of those connections on time, finding time to eat, supporting each other, remembering their daypacks and shoes, and managing all this through a day that began with only 4 hours sleep.

Am I worried? Yes.

Am I scared? Absolutely.

Do I think they can do it? Yes and absolutely. Not only that, but if they run into difficulties, then they will learn to adapt and continue on anyway.

But the protective part of me is making the rest of this morning a bit difficult. I'm going to try to lay down this burden and continue on, but I think I will only succeed in shifting it to a more comfortable location.

Letting Go of Burdens

It is amazing how much easier life is when you let go of your burdens.

When you leave burdens behind instead of taking them with you, the path is easier, the climbs seem less steep, the paths seem shorter.

Today I biked while Emma stayed home with big sister.

Power

After doing multiple forms out in the yard in the moonlight (while also humbly acknowledging that I have been a bit chatty lately on this forum ...)

Isn't it interesting that it takes training to bring out our primal nature? We are so wrapped in layers of civilization that we have to be taught what it means to find, and then channel, our own power.

Secrets

I'm interested lately, because of a recent event, in the concept of life without secrets.

Walking

I took one of my usual late "use the force, Luke" walks with Mongo tonight. Sometimes I work my forms out on the docks, sometimes I just look out across the lake or up at the stars, but always I enjoy the mild challenge of a path so dark that I have to rely on other than sight to walk it.

Tonight there were some wild things in the bushes, rustling around, and a sweet scent of some blooming vine.

Master

I think the definition I like the best from the previous list would be, "an artist of consummate skill."

Good Idea, Bad Idea

Good Idea:

A 5 mile bike ride, pulling a toddler in her chariot on a breezy day.

Bad Idea:

A 5 mile bike ride, pulling a toddler in her chariot on a breezy day, after doing 20 minutes of stance work, and 200 push ups and sit ups.

Master

I typed in "define: master" in a google search, and got the following:

Definitions of master on the Web:

• maestro: an artist of consummate skill; "a master of the violin"; "one of the old masters"
• overlord: a person who has general authority over others
• victor: a combatant who is able to defeat rivals
• directs the work of others
• headmaster: presiding officer of a school
• an original creation (i.e., an audio recording) from which copies can be made
• be or become completely proficient or skilled in; "She mastered Japanese in less than two years"
• an officer who is licensed to command a merchant ship
• overcome: get on top of; deal with successfully; "He overcame his shyness"
• someone who holds a master's degree from academic institution
• dominate: have dominance or the power to defeat over; "Her pain completely mastered her"; "The methods can master the problems"
• an authority qualified to teach apprentices
• have a firm understanding or knowledge of; be on top of; "Do you control these data?"
• passkey: key that secures entrance everywhere
• chief(a): most important element; "the chief aim of living"; "the main doors were of solid glass"; "the principal rivers of America"; "the ...

So I'm working on my own definition.

Construction

Construction type work is one of the places where I am like a fish out of water. I had fun anyway.

What a weekend!

Ten Tigers: So challenging, so exhausting, so ... gratifying.

Thanks to everyone for your very hard work this weekend. The team effort made a huge dent in the continuing challenge of improving the straw bale lodge. I have to admit, though, that sitting around the fire, eating s'mores and listening to music was my very favorite part. Maybe we could do that particular bit of it again sometime?

You have each made my world a better place by being in it.

Small spaces

All of us probably work pretty hard at fitting our ten tigers requirements in small spaces sometimes. So I thought it would be helpful to point out that if you are trying to fit a form into the time it takes to cook dinner, Gung Gee runs just a little too long to safely leave oil heating in a skillet on the stove.

Just an FYI ...

400

I settled for 400 pushups and situps yesterday.

300

Three Hundred Pushups today!!

So far.

Dare I shoot for 500?

The long lost tiger is back!

I just finished catching up on everyone's posts and figured I better catch up on mine... literally! The vacation was GREAT! A much needed break from hectic schedules and other things. I got behind on my workouts again, mainly because I never caught completely up from a couple of weeks ago. I'm 5 days behind. I caught up a day after mowing the yard today since we got off early. I'm anticipating some severely sore muscles this week. I did get to catch up on some needed thinking and meditating time while I was at the lake and I was certainly excited about my reunion with my long unseen but not lost love... the sea. I will reserve a special post for my thoughts on that subject. Right now I'm trying to focus on catching up on my workouts and getting a firm grasp on my forms again before Steven puts me to the test. My mind has not truely been focused on the forms lately like it should be. I take comfort in the fact that martial arts is a life long process of learning and change with no deadlines or completion dates.

things I need to do

One thing that I need to do is write more I have only written a hand full of sentence in the last week. Also is that i need to do my ten tigers stuff so I think that I shall get off this computer and start doing pushups.


p.s there are many more things that I need to do

Acts of Kindness

I've done my acts of kindness for the Ten Tigers Program.

You know what that means.

NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY!!

Kidding of course.

Drift or Paddle

If you are in a canoe going downstream, you can paddle, or you can just drift. At first glance, drifting may seem to make more sense, either way you are going to go down the stream, paddling just takes more energy. If, however, you choose to paddle you can avoid obstacles, keep from spilling out of your canoe, choose whether to go upstream or downstream, and pull over to the bank whenever you want.

The last few days, I feel as though I've been drifting, allowing myself to be pushed around by the current. It's time to pick up the paddle again.

Learning about meditation

I purchased a couple of texts from the self-help section of Barnes and Noble -- much to my surprise and consternation. The one I am currently reading is by Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever you go, there you are. It's all about meditation and mindfulness, and I am enjoying every word. I'm out of my comfort zone in the self-help section -- a public place that declares to everyone that I am seeking (and therefore needing) assistance. All my life I have accepted that not needing assistance was the best persona to project. "Walk like you are going somewhere." "Never turn your head to look when someone shouts, or a horn beeps." "We don't need help, we help others." "Never let them know they've got you down." All those kinds of common advice can be handy at times -- but to always live by them is limiting.

Now maybe opening to possibilities is more helpful than projecting personas. Getting help is a pathway to being able to give it. Following someone's lead, or listening to their advice, can shed light in a dark place. Once I'm back steady on my feet, I can do offer the same to another. And so on, and so forth throughout time.

"If we hope to go anywhere or develop ourselves in any way, we can only step from where we are standing. If we don't really know where we are standing . . . we may only go in circles, for all our efforts and expectations. So, in meditation practice, the best way to get somewhere is to let go of trying to get anywhere at all." (16)

two steps back

my dad and I are working on some 35-year-old motorcycles, a 175cc, and a 125cc. so each of them is messed up in some way, the 175cc is missing a flywheel, the tank is rusted, needs new spark plugs, needs new hand grips, needs a new air filter, needs its chain righted, and its wiring replaced. the 125cc is in better condition it needs new points, and its wiring checked over.

a bit of a hassle.





*twitch*

Integration in progress

With my recently polished up awareness, I've been watching myself teach this semester, curious about my difficulties with performance while apparently being comfortable with teaching. While performing, I lose my center, lose myself, and have a kind of white noise in my head that makes thinking difficult. I don't see details around me, and all my vision turns inward.

It turns out that I have very similar feelings while teaching. I'm currently thinking that one difference is the length of the event. A class is, at a minimum, 50 or so minutes long. Those white-out periods pass while I go through the motions of performing my job. I get them, I feel them, and I almost panic because I can't remember what comes next. But it's MY class, it's my responsibility, and I can't let the students down. So I keep going through logical sequences of the subject that I know very well -- I know it well enough to ad lib at almost any point -- until I regain myself and connect back into the intended lesson for the day (like connecting back into the form).

I'm enjoying the sensation of being aware, and I'm increasingly appreciative of how much impact that can have on my classroom. For a long time I've struggled to integrate the "me" that practices kung fu with the "me" that does everything else. It's very, very satisfying to begin to see progress.

Why Compete? Part Two

When I first saw how important winning was to many people in tournaments, and what lengths some would go to to make sure that they won, I went on a mission.

My mission was to win without all the rule bending and breaking that I was seeing. To win forms and weapons competition without acrobatics added to my martial arts, to win sparring competition with traditional technique instead of point sparring techniques that would fail miserably in self defense. I wanted to show people that tournaments could be won without all that, and at different tournaments I had varying degrees of success.

Every body else, though, kept on doing the same things they had been doing. I had failed myself because my motivation was in the wrong place. I was trying to change other people.

After I realized my motivation was in the wrong spot I started competing for my self, not for others. My mission became to win with honor. I wanted to honor the traditional forms and techniques of the martial arts I study, and win tournaments in the process.

I learned a lot from this period in my life, but it still was not fulfilling. The idea of winning just wasn't doing it for me. When I won it was nice, but not what I envisioned it to be. When I didn't win, there were feelings of disappointment. So I needed a new answer to the question, "Why Compete?"

Coming soon: Part three of "Why Compete?"