Let the caution go

Today I had a success -- a little thing, but important and symbolic to me. In class, when Steven asked, "who wants to be thrown?" for the first time I didn't struggle with speaking up. I let my heart shout out. It's silly, in a way, because who wouldn't just speak right up if they wanted to be thrown? It's part of kung fu. But I know I hesitate, I wait, I don't want to seem too eager, and then I beat myself up for it later when I missed an opportunity to do something I really love. This time, though, I didn't hesitate more than a fraction to see if someone else wanted it more, I didn't let my fear of falling wrong stop me, and I didn't let my worries about looking foolish or failing get in my way.

Who wants to be thrown? I sure do! Why not say so?

Tomorrow, I must become a marketing machine.  It does not come naturally to me.  I have to get in character, I have to be an actor.  It's what I must do to have the financial success required in this world.  Wish me luck.

Paths

Living in the moment, finding peace in stillness, keeping a clear mind -- how do all these good thoughts mesh with planning for the future? To choose a path, I need to see where it might go, yet the harder and farther I try to see, the hazier the horizon becomes. Then I get entangled in the struggle and can no longer see any path. This is one of my consistent challenges: finding a way to flow through multiple paths and possibilities when my tendency is to grab a machete and clear the way. I think my conscious mind gets in my way, but I do not yet trust enough to let go.

Milestones

I've reached a milestone today. Though I had to sacrifice Tuesday's class to get it done, I have sent Chapter 1 of my dissertation to my director for the first viewing. It needs work still, but it's a 33-page complete background history of my topic. I'm pretty pleased about that!

Lute

Having received the gift of a baroque lute, I may have found my new undertaking for the ten tigers program.

Quote of my day

"Warriorship gives birth to natural beauty." Art of Peace #12 (partial)

Just thinking...

Storm clouds gather as the forces of disturbance encircle me.
My enemies are a hundredfold and more, stamping out the dirge of contention as they advance.
Strife and conflict do battle with peace.
The harmony of my soul is troubled by discord and grief rides a mighty steed.
My courage and my strength are reminiscent of the wind.
The quiet of morning gives way to the evening breeze.
But lo, I am safe within the stronghold of my heart.
The mind keeps watch with vigor.
The walls of character repel the onslaught with great fortitude.
Guard well the gates of the spirit, for the mirror reflects all things.